Confessions

During combat training, one of the recruits wanted to stop and rest.

The instructor came to him, and said the following words I will never forget:

Out there, there is someone training to kill you. He doesn’t stop running when he is tired, he stops when his enemies stop chasing him. He doesn’t worry about what weights to lift, his gear weighs what it weighs. His weapon is the only clean thing on him; because it is the only thing he will ever trust. He is lost and lonely, hell is the only place he knows.

One day you might cross paths with this reaper… So, you still want to rest?

Why do I remember this so vividly? And why am I telling you this story?

Perhaps it is that we should remind ourselves that no matter how good we are, there is always someone better.

The forest would be awfully quiet if only the best birds sang. Just because we aren’t the best, doesn’t mean that we should not go on. It is OK.

But these aren’t the reasons why I am writing this today.

I write this because at the time I heard those words, I was one of those people. To this day I can run fast because I grew up running in armour. People come to me for training because I could use a knife before I was old enough to even read or write.

And the worst part of it all, the knife at my side was the only thing I ever could rely on.

Some may think I’m bragging. Actually I am confessing that I was wrong.

I still have the scars, physically and emotionally. It took years to fix all the damage my mind suffered.

I’m still learning to trust people.

If you can relate, even if you have other enemies like fear, depression or an abuser, I urge you to do the hardest thing you may ever do:

Get help, reach out. To this day I will never trust my therapist, but she still helped me get out of that life. More importantly, I only trusted my knife, but forgot that God had given me that knife and the skills to use it.

God is with you through all, and walking your path with him is an incredible solace.

So this is my confession:
I loved
I fought
I sinned

It took me years to realise my mistakes

It is never too late to get out.

With regards
Havoc

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