Tension

The past two days I found myself in my favorite place in the world; the bushveld.

I am still lovingly uncomfortable with the silence. The kind where you can hear the whispers of God. No gunfire, loud traffic, aircraft or sirens.

No

Silence. Or the distant tok tok tok of a woodpecker, and sometimes the calls of foxes and owls in the night.

I found myself so feeling so tired. And sometime today I realised: I am under constant tension. Suddenly I am in the bush, carrying a fierce armament, and suddenly there is no more threats.

I realised that I grew up in a war. So much so that being safe makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I became addicted to the chaos along the way?

Why share this? There are reflections of ourselves in everyone around us. Our enemies so often reflect what we refuse to accept about ourself. I share this in the hope that you might see your situation in mine. Maybe one of my readers will also see all the tension in their life.

I wish that I could share this with my nightingale. I now see that she has the same problem, unaware of it just like I was.

What to do… what to do…

Not sure. My life will be stressful, no matter what I do. Upon returning I will be barraged with unsafe living, work uncertainty and loads of studies. Do you have the answer? Please share if you do. And when I get the answer I will be sure to shout it from the rooftops.

May your thoughts be gentle on you, and your tension melt in the daylight.

Warm (and calm) regards
Havoc

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3 thoughts on “Tension

  1. Today I was given an answer from an old friend. She told me that God wants us to remember ten things:

    I will give you rest
    I will strengthen you
    I will answer you
    I believe in you
    I will bless you
    I am for you
    I will not fail you
    I will provide for you
    I will be with you
    I love you

    Although I am not sure about how it could be the answer I needed or not, I did promise to share it with the world. I hope that it will change it all for at least one reader.

    Regards,
    Havoc

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Safety is such a challenging concept. I have been struggling with this lately too, that subconscious (for me) waiting for the inevitable other shoe to drop. The tension escalates until I realize that is happening, and then I have to consciously address it. I relax in the quiet and safety for a time, and then the anxiety slowly builds again.

    Right now I fear my life will be relegated by all the ebbs and flows of tension and anxiety. But I have to remind myself I’ve come far. That it is okay to struggle, because that means I haven’t given up yet.

    Sometimes being okay with struggling has to be enough.

    I have no answers, except that you are not alone. I hope you find the words to share with your nightingale. For me, I find those moments of vulnerability are still the hardest ones to give voice to, but are also the ones that release the hardness that anxiety and tension build in me.

    Take care.

    ~M

    Like

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