Funny how the things most important to us can reflect our inner feelings.
Today I did something I had been putting off for months. The watch in the photo is mine, it was on my wrist for the hardest years of my life. I wore it during my first kiss, when I graduated, and the first time a girl confessed her love for me.
But I wore it on my journey to hell and back too.
I wore it during many dangerous missions, it kept the time for deadly explosives. It was on me while I lost friends and fought my path out of the darkness. I survived the journey… But my watch did not.
It was eventually broken by the careless actions of my father. Much like the careless actions that broke me too.
I tried getting it fixed, but even the maker did not have any replacement parts. It was too unique, and too rare.
So today I took it apart entirely. Every coverplate, motor, spring, everything.
I admit defeat. The main PC board has a short circuit on it, and no matter how I try, I can’t find it. So I put it all back together again.
“Why is he telling me this?” You ask.
I feel much the same as that watch. I used to be broken. I took myself apart, cleaned everything, examined it all. Then I put myself back together again.
My trip into darkness changed me. It twisted parts of me, it clung to my heart like a cancer. And I had to rebuild myself to survive.
I survived, but my watch did not. And maybe there is a part of me which is dead alongside my beloved watch.
I am not giving up yet. I still have another plan to revive it.
Why do I share this? The answer is simple: to show others it can be done.
Maybe you are also broken, or cracked, or maybe just hurting. I had no clue how to fix myself, but I took things slowly. And eventually I did fix myself. If I could do it, so could you!
“My pain is just too much” “There is too much damage done” Some would use that excuse. You have to be ready, you can fix it. My whole world was destroyed around me. My watch broke and my knife’s edge will never be the same. But I could still fix my shattered soul. That means you can too.
The biggest mistake was doing it alone. Find someone to trust. Someone who will stand by you even when they don’t understand. Just a little help can change everything.
May you find the courage to change.
PS: for those interested, when I do manage to fix my watch, I will post it as a comment.