What once was


There is a russian word for that empty feeling one feels after one used to love someone, but not any more. Razbliuto.

Strange how love works. Being in love only lasts three years. Then, it either becomes permanent, or dissapears. I’ve been on both sides. Today I got to do with both. I saw the one Ive loved for eight years, and had to let go. And the one I let go (luckily) just before the three year mark.

Then there is my nightingale

We dont know each other for long, only about six months. No-one has ever loved me that deeply, and I feel the same. Today I realised that I had to let go of my past to embrace my future.

When it works, everything changes.

When I saw the one I used to love, it had changed. A strange feeling, almost like the love for a sister. And the one I let go, she tried to affect me with her harsh words. I knew it was because she felt hopeless too, and I forgive her for that.

Love makes one strong

I used to go for the wrong people. They used to control me, use me and hurt me. And I was too desperate to let them go. My Nightingale… she changed it all. With her, we are on equal ground, and it all comes so easily. So natural, so safe.

Being with her gives me more energy. I always felt so tired after seeing the others in my past. The thing is, one has to let go of all that. To love someone the way they deserve, one should forgive and forget the others, including the feelings we have for them.

If you wonder if things are right between you and a loved one, its easy to know. Its a democracy. Even if only one makes the decisions, both people’s opinions count equally. You feel safe. Our loved ones must be the shelter to our storms. If they are more often than not worse than the storm, it’s doomed before it started. If they bring the best out of you, then you know its worth holding on to. Lastly, one should never expect someone to be everything. If they (or you) expect that, then it’s time to change or walk away.

Mixed feelings. Sadness, hurt, happiness and apathy… all in one day. I expected moon shine and roses now that my life has changed. Truth is that there will always be problems. Even now, I have to put down my keyboard and pick up my pen. There are problems to be solved.

I hope my musings will help those who read it. And if there are any questions I would love to answer them, there are way too many words swirling in my head to fit on one page.

I wish you luck, love, and that your faith in fairytales be restored.


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