And it was all a lie…

something I'm not

“But I have failed, I turned another lie into the work of a saint”

-song lyrics

We all think we know ourselves. I thought I knew myself well, a warrior, the one who would resist all. I grew up my whole life like that, every day a fight against the tides to get to shore. To some extent I became that person, wearing those boots to get through my life. I started to like it too, the armor heavy against my body, like a hug from a loved one.

How would you cross a river?

I used to imagine swimming across, battling against the flow. A battle of wills, the strongest one would win eventually. This weekend I realized that it was the way I grew up, but it was NOT me. People like that are driven by anger, they become insensitive and uncaring. Their emotion stay constant, and they sometimes fail to see the damage they do.

Often mistaken for such people, are the romantic’s. They experience intense up’s and down’s, their passion being their drive. The dark depths they can sometimes go to… No thought being to dark or radical to think. They know how it feels to be alive, they know the sickening sweet taste of melancholy, and the soft warmth of death. Artists of expression, painting with words and sculpting with metaphors. At first I couldn’t bare the thought of me being like that. I grew up believing sensitivity makes one weak.

I lied to myself, and I believed it.

I accepted it now, and I changed almost over night. I feel so much more at home in my skin. I’m not going to live this lie any more. Somehow it all comes so naturally now, my strength being my sensitivity. My question is, what are you?

May you dare to tell the truth to yourself.

We often want to be things we are not, sometimes forcing ourselves to change into a role we were never meant to be in. Sooner or later it will catch up, and we will try lie to ourselves that life must be that way. It’s simply not true… In life we need all kinds of people, no kind being better or worse than others.

I stopped lying to myself, and I never want to go back.

It is my wish to you that you will find yourself, and be the person you were always meant to be


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