The night… I used to love the darkness that engulfed me and kept me hidden. Its a lot like my life, all the pain and suffering. It covered me like a thick wet blanket. At times I would drown in its depths.
I got used to it, a part of me even grew to like the darkness.
I told myself that it is normal, I convinced myself that it was ok. The thing is, its not OK. Yes, darkness is a normal part of life. The sun will set, even in paradise. But never ending darkness is not normal.
The night is darkest before dawn.
Recently it felt like the darkness was finally swallowing me whole. Nothing could get any worse, and I realised that even this pain was worse than usual. It was truly my darkest hour…
Then dawn came. The sun’s rays slowly peeking over the horizon. The light slowly driving away any inkling of the dark I was so used to. Suddenly my life turned around. I have felt the worst, so worst can be no more. Slowly my life filled up with hope again, the happiness brightening up my life like the warm light of the sun.
I found a place to belong, a person to trust, and finally could give my heart to someone who would keep it safe. I even carry less weapons, suddenly not feeling the need for them so much any more.
The odd thing is, the change freaked me out. I wasn’t used to the safety, or the feeling of affection. It took me a while to get used to it… and I’m still getting used to living this way. That brings me to the reason I’m writing this.
If you are captured in darkness…
Keep on fighting. Always hold on to hope. I know how it sounds, and when you do survive the night, you will understand. All things come to an end, and that means the bad things too. Just keep going and you will break free.
And when it all seems so impossible, remember my story, and then remember its your path to follow too. You will break free, its just a matter of hanging on.