Chaos as comfort zone


Strange how our comfort zone can shift and change. Even stranger is how we start to overlook what is comfortable to us. I grew up in a life filled with conflict, emergencies, anger and desolation. Funny how that became my comfort zone. Let’s face it though, we all grow up thinking that our home is what normal should be.

Its only when I started reviewing what was familiar to me, when I realized… You see, I had been looking for people who hurt me, got angry, were distant, and always had a new crisis that had to be dealt with. I seek them because they remind me of “home”. Somewhere deep inside I always knew something was wrong. I never could quite put my finger on it.

We always adapt for the worst. We set our zone limits to the worst things we had endured. When extremes are met, that is when nothing in that direction of life can phase us. Somewhere down the line we get numb, as if we can’t even feel the pain or the anger we harbor.

Then I jumped…

I realized that my comfort zone was tightening around my neck, slowly choking me… slowly letting me die. I closed my eyes to the fear, and I jumped. You see, love, affection and happiness was not in my comfort zone. It felt strangely uncomfortable, being handled so softly. The warm embrace felt beautifully strange. Suddenly I found myself being…me. The me I buried deep a long time ago. Buried like a treasure to be found once more. I had come alive in one day, with the help of someone just as broken as me.

Other people aren’t in my comfort zone. I grew up so alone.

Now I turn this question to you: What is your comfort zone like? Those who you seek in life reflect your comfort zone like mirrors. All you have to do is see. And if you grew up alone like me, look at your house… What is your house like? Surely that will be your comfort zone.

As for me, I love the feeling of stepping outside my limits. I hope I never get used to the feeling. It is true… Life is best lived between your comfort zone and your edge, running just next to the blade.


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