Forgiveness… such a strange thought. You see, I thought its a courtesy one gives to another after they had admitted their mistakes and asked them to let the mistake go. I had no idea that it was not like that at all.
You see, forgiving someone actually sets YOU free, not them. After living a lifetime resenting my father for never being able to love me, and blaming an over controlling mother for seeing me as a pawn, I was filled with feelings of rage and low self worth. This was aggrevated by the hurt of the worst failed relationship imaginable. It was like a cement block dragging me down to the bottom of the ocean. Later in my life I went to a trauma councellor to deal with the relationship issues, because the rage welling up inside started scaring me. The process was simple; Recall the event factually, then recall the event emotionally. The event is then recalled as fact and emotion together.
The next step was to name what the offender took away from you, and then to write a letter to them expressing the feelings their actions caused. All the steps seemed logical. But the last step was the one that caught me off guard. The last step is to forgive them, and move on.
Suddenly forgiveness became clear to me. One should forgive, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve the peace. Sometimes the offence is just to horrible, and the feelings too strong. That is when one must seek help in dealing with it and processing it.
For those who wonder, seeking help was the best thing that I could have done. It changed my life for the better, and set me free. Some feel their anger grants them strength, but I assure you, from my experience it does not.
We all have our past hurts, some greater than others. I urge you to forgive them, to set yourself free from the pain. And if those hurts proves to be too great, to seek help. It will be the best thing you ever do, I promise.